My Conundrum

I hate my body. I love my body. And that is just so frustrating! I hate my body because I get hurt so much because I’m so flexible in my joints, tendons, and ligaments. I love my body because it is so flexible and it allows me to make beautiful images with it. But what do you do when that beauty can cause the worst pain in the world? I had thought that dislocating my knee would be the last straw, but that fire that has been burning inside me for years has not dulled, it’s only intensified. I hate that I sit here scared to dance, it is the most ridiculous thing ever. I know I can do it because I’ve done it before since the injury. It’s during these idle times when my mind wonders that I think about the pain I might cause myself to endure again one day because I’m following this crazy, unforgivable passion.

Why can’t I just be like every other dancer…actually, I don’t want to be any other dancer. I like being me. I just always ask that question. I think I must subconsciously make myself ask that so that I can think about all the good things about myself, as if I’m making myself give me compliments. Whoa, that was a little confusing. So my basic conclusion is that yes I will start dancing again, (duh like not dancing was even an option) but I won’t start again until I work out so much that I’m as ripped as Taylor Lautner…Okay lets be real, that’s never going to happen but you get the point I’m trying to make. If I have more muscles holding my joints in place, I should be good…in theory. I could go on forever talking about dancing but right now, I think I need to werk out. Werk is a dancer word. Keep reading my blog, I’m sure to bring it up again and again and again and then you’ll get the jist of it. Until next time…

Ps-Yeah that’s me.

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